Hello, friends. I'm going on a date tonight. Let me document the things swirling around in my head right now. (Be warned: it is written like a play –– with stage directions and everything.)

Before the Date: A Play in One Act

Act I

Daniel, a really weird dude, is sitting in his office, looking in front of a computer screen and holding on to the Bluetooth mouse as if he is holding on to dear life. He is there –– at least his body is there, jittery. His mind, however, is on a different plane of existence, possibly one with McDonald's right around the corner and a used bookstore right upstairs. He thinks of his date. Shirlie is sitting somewhere close, but yet so far.

Daniel: Wow, you actually did it. You started a conversation with someone that somehow ended up with a plan to go out and have fun. How did you manage to do that?

He scratches his head with one hand, as his other hand enters his 5-number passcode on his phone with the dexterity of a spider –– nay –– an octopus. He has no text messages. Honestly, he has no reason to check his phone. He just does that out of nervousness.

Shirlie, his roommate: Wow, Danny, I am really so excited for you. I hope you have a goo ––

Daniel, interrupting: I'M REALLY SCARED WHAT IF I DO SOMETHING BAD LIKE RUN A STOP LIGHT OR SPILL MY COFFEE OR GROW WINGS AND FLY ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Those are not the end of the question marks, and he hyperventilates. Shirlie gives him a handful of peanut M&M's, which he eats one-at-a-time and leaves just one speck of colored chocolate dust, collecting it into a pile and ultimately blowing the pile into the air, to be showered in M&M goodness.

Shirlie: Okay, Danny, you are making a mess.

She looks at him intently. She rolls her eyes. Nothing happens for a millisecond.

Daniel, laughing with his eyes wide open and with wings sprouting out of his back: Too late, I already am!

He flies away, through the roof and into the clear, northern sky. He enters the stratosphere and lassoes Jupiter into Earth and swallows the gaseous planet whole. 

Just kidding. He stays in his swivel chair and continues typing away.

Daniel: Wow.


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