Missing My Best Friend (And the Importance of Friendship)

I don't have a lot of very close friends. It is not something that I'm sad about, it's just who I am and how I am with friendship. My family is military so we moved around a bit. Although, I cannot completely attribute getting stationed to different places to my selectivity when it comes to friendship, granted it didn't exactly help with building lasting relationships with people. It might also be my relatively strict definition of friendship. It takes a while for me to consider someone my friend and it's not because they have to "prove their worth" or anything like that. I don't think I'm any better or worse than the average Joe/Josephine. I just have a difficult time feeling completely connected with a majority of people and, more importantly, feeling like I can be comfortable with them and act silly and be able to talk about things and have different opinions without trying to change each other's opinions. 

I have one of these kinds of friends. She is seriously the best person I know and I love our friendship so much; it's full of good vibes and laughter and understanding. Throughout high school I mostly hung out with guys, it wasn't until the end of my high school career and beginning of college that I really understood how important friendship really is, and not only that, but how important having a female friend is. I hadn't really considered this too much because in high school I didn't like the tense competitiveness of having female friends. I didn't like that there was always this pressure to be the hot friend or the funny friend or whatever sort of way we chose to pigeonhole ourselves when we didn't even really know who we were. The funny thing about being friends with Ariana is all the stuff the made me feel insecure about having a girl friend in high school still happens. Guys that I've liked have liked her and I've still been comparing myself to her. Two of the many difference with Ariana versus my friendships in high school is that I don't really care nor am I very worried because she has and still would tell me if a guy I liked was hitting on her (she doesn't have to anymore since I am in a serious relationship). She wouldn't try to hide it to "protect my feelings," she respects me enough to tell me. She is honest with me and upfront which is a sense of security in a friendship that I had never experienced. And when comparing myself to my best friend, it's not about who is better or prettier or funny (because we are both the best and beautiful and hilarious) it's just noticing how we are different, and loving those differences. It's a really freeing feeling to be friends with someone who doesn't make you feel bad about yourself. 

And just so you know, I'm not saying that we shouldn't have male friends versus having female friends or vice versa, I'm not saying that at all. If you connect with someone, no matter their gender, skin color, cultural background, etc. you should be able to be friends with whoever you want to be friends with (as long as it is mutual, probably don't try to force your friendship on someone who doesn't want it).

Ari and me at my senior prom in the classic "prom pose" (She was my date)
Anywho, I have been missing my best friend like crazy since she left, you might recognize her as Ambassador Ariana. My beautiful, best friend has gone off to "the City that Never Sleeps," "the Big Apple," New York City, to study theatre and I could not be more happy that she gets this experience. Despite being 4,000+ miles away she still manages to make me feel better when I feel low, and I'd like to think that I can send some words of encouragement every couple days. It's hard to explain how grateful I am to Ariana for helping pull me out of self-doubt. She showed me what a healthy friendship can be when I had completely forgotten what it felt like to have reciprocity in a friendship. When you haven't been appreciated in a long time, and feel like you've been the one doing all the appreciating it can be overwhelming to finally feel some sense of importance to someone. I could go on about the unhealthy friendships I've had in the past, and I probably will in another blog (so keep an eye out!) But for now I just want to focus on how lucky and happy I am to have such a great friend in my life.

Also I will be visiting her in the Big Apple in a little over a month so keep your eyes out for more content about that after the 22nd of March!

I miss you and love you, Ariana!

Thank you for reading, and I hope if you haven't already found your best friend, that you will someday soon. I can tell you though, it was worth the wait. 

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