Going... Going... Gone.

     With the end of the semester fast approaching, it is time for me to start making some big decisions as the mid-point of my undergraduate life moves from in ahead of me and into rear view. There are a few things that I know I want to do for sure after I graduate. I know that I want to move out of Alaska and into a city, though I'm not 100% set on which city.  I know I want to continue with psychology. I know that I am flexible with how I'm going to attend graduate school. I know that I want to be happy and experience a new kind of life. But mostly, I know that it will be difficult.

     Being a military brat, I was and still am, somewhat accustomed to the idea of moving itself; I'm great at organizing and packing up and what not. But with being a military brat came a number of different safety nets. No matter what happened we knew we would be taken care of. Because of that sense of security, I now find myself overwhelmed by all the factors that my family never really had to worry about when changing home bases.

     I've been surfing the worldwide web researching all sorts of different things associated with moving to a new destination as an adult without her parents to guide her. I've looked at apartments in the areas that I'm interested in living in. Searched realtor lingo and what to expect in the cities that I'm interested in. What the job situation is in each of the cities, taking into consideration my employment past and the likelihood of me getting certain jobs. Searching online graduate schools and if online graduate school is worth it. It is so easy to get lost for hours in just a couple of these things. Though right now it's all in the hypothetical. It is stressful to search but right now I can't even truly fathom the reality. Every time it starts to feel real I get a knot it my stomach. I think that's a good sign!

     I've always gotten knots and butterflies when I get nervous about something big. I got knots and butterflies before I took my driving test to get my license, when I was doing the paperwork to enroll here as a high school student, when I turned in essays and application for scholarships, when I was waiting to walk for graduation. I didn't pass my drivers test the first time, I failed it much to my frustration. I had to run around campus like a chicken with its head cut off trying to get special permission to attend an English class and barely got into one by the first day of classes. I only got one of the dozens of scholarships that I applied for. I couldn't sleep for days before graduation because I was so afraid that my college credits or online credits wouldn't transfer over. My point in telling you this is that despite the knots and butterflies and things not working out like I wanted or expected, I'm still here. I still coped with the disappointment, still kept going. These new knots and butterflies mean that it's real. And despite all the stress and worry that comes with moving to a new city, starting a new school, new job, and living far away from my parents I know I'll be alright. I won't have all the safety nets that my upbringing granted me, but I will still be okay. I will find a way to be no matter what this new adventure may throw at me.

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