Alright, y'all. Let me say this –– once, and only once: Glitter is the bane of my existence.

There's nothing that I despise more than glitter (except for maybe when condiment bottles accrue water at the top, and they squirt out water first when you use some after a long period of evaporation and condensation). I get it –– glitter makes everything shining, shimmering, splendid. But it gets everywhere, and it is the worst!

I work at the Wood Center, the main central hang-out-hub of the campus. The cafeteria, the campus coffee shop, the Pub and chill-out spots are there. Also, there are offices there that are staffed by wonderful (me) and beautiful (me) students (me). Here's a good list:
  • Student Activities Office (SAO): They do programs and events like Open Mic Nights, Sharknado Pool Parties, Game Nights. Tons of fun programs to go to –– all year long!
  • Leadership, Involvement, and Volunteer Experience (LIVE): As their name says, they do leadership workshops, involvement activities, and volunteer opportunities. This year, LIVE is doing Alternative Spring Break –– where they go off to do volunteer somewhere else –– in San Francisco! So exciting!
  • Nanook Diversity and Actions Center: I work here! We have programs that focus on topics regarding the diversity of the society –– feminism, homelessness, LGBTQ+ rights, etc. Recently we've done a Chili Cook-Off and fund-raised for the United Way!
  • UAF Graphics: This office does advertisements and flyers and banners that you see all over campus. They're a creative bunch! I'm so jealous of their Photoshop powers.
Anyways, that was kind of a side note, but still related. The Wood Center Offices celebrated Finals Snack Day. One of the Wood Center Staff members worked over the weekend making little baggies with chocolate goodies, melatonin Emergen-C, and holiday-greetings notes. The baggie was closed by a ribbon with a jingle bell. It was super-duper cute. I devoured everything that was in that bag –– no grace, no mercy. I really appreciated it, except for one thing: THE GLITTER.

The bag was mesh laced with golden, dusty glitter. The glitter was not large and visibly square. This glitter was like paprika consistency, but blindingly golden. When I opened the bag, I made sure to maneuver around the glitter and avoid touching it. (Let's be real here: That goal was fruitless. I touched the glitter still. Sad face.) After eating the contents of the bag, I couldn't find a trash can, so I decided to pocket everything. From the time I put the bag in to when I took it out, I pirouetted and gyrated all throughout the afternoon. The next day, at the high school I am teaching at, I took a sheet of paper out of the same pocket I put the glitter bag in, and –– what do you know?! –– out comes a golden cloud that 1) shimmered right in my face, 2) surrounded me like a divine halo or an extra-terrestrial aura, and 2) settled menacingly on every surface of my body and clothes. 

Side-note: This is the same high school class in which I came out. Throughout the following weeks, they have been a terror –– but in good ways. We've definitely ramped up our rapport, and they're all great students with their individual idiosyncrasies. We have just finished reading Twain's The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, and boy-oh-boy that was a woozy of a text.

Back to the story: Glitter everywhere. And one of my students –– who initially gasped in hands-covered-mouth manner then proceeded to nod her head with earthshaking certainty as if to say "I knew from since you were born" –– chuckles. She said this, and to paraphrase:

"I mean, you should've just came out to us like that. Glitter and all."

I could not have smiled any bigger that day. There was probably glitter in my teeth too. 


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